1. If you are over thirty and you have a washboard stomach, you are gay. It
>means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the boys and have spent the
>rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics, and doing the Oprah diet.
>
>2. If you have a cat, you are a Flaaaaming homo. A cat is like a dog, but
>gay - it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a
>delicate
>touch except when it uses its nails, and whines to be fed. And just think
>about how you call a dog... "Killer, come here! I said get your ass over
>here, Killer!" Now think about how you call a cat..."Bun-bun, come to
>daddy,
>snookums!" Jeeezus, you're fit to be framed, you're so gay.
>
>3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby pacifiers, or any such
>nonsense, rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man only sucks on
>bar-b-que ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, crawfish guts, pickled pigs feet,
>or tits. Anything else and you are in training to suck El Dicko and
>undeniably a fag.
>
>4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or piss in a parking
>lot, you crave a deep homosexual relationship. A man's world is his
>bathroom; he defecates and urinates where he pleases.
>
>5. If you drink decaf coffee with skim milk, you like a high hard one in
>the
>poop chute. Coffee is to be had strong, black, and full aroma. A straight
>man will never be heard ordering a "Decaf Café Latte with Skim" and he will
>never, ever know what artificial sweetener tastes like. If you've had
>NutraSweet in your mouth, you've had a man there, too.
>
>6. If yo u know more than six names of colors or four different types of
>dessert, you might as well be handing out free passes to your ass. A real
>man doesn't have memory space in his brain to remember all of that crap as
>well as all the names of all the players in the Major league, NFL, NBA,
>college ball, PGA and NASCAR. If you can pick out chartreuse or you know
>what a "fressier" is you're gay. And if you can name ANY type of textile
>other than denim, you are faggadocious.
>
>7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it, you're dying to
>tune a meat whistle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to honk at a
>slow-ass driver or to cut the punk off. The rest of the time he needs that
>hand to change the radio station, eat a hamburger, hold his beer, or play
>with his bitch in the passenger seat.
>
>8. If you enjoy romantic comedies or French films, mo n-frere, vous le Gay,
>oui? The only time it is acceptable to watch one of those is with a woman
>who knows how to reward her man. Watching any of the above films by
>yourself
>or with another man is likely to result in SHC (spontaneous homosexual
>combustion), which is what happens to fags when they flame out too quickly.

lol..lol